Get Help

You have the right to a relationship that is equal, respectful, supportive, and safe. If you feel that something is not right in your relationship, there is help available.

Police

If you are in danger now, call 111 .

You can ring the police, even if you can’t talk: dial 111 and push 55 to signal that you want the police.

If you would like to contact the police about a person abusing you but not urgently, you can call 105 or visit your local Police station. An officer will talk to you about all the options available to you.

Youthline

Youthline's Helpline service is free, confidential and available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Free text 234

Free 24/7 call 0800 37 66 33

Chat online

Email Youthline

Are You OK - Family Violence helpline

Call a team of trained counsellors for support 24/7

0800 456 450

Find out more here

In Your Hands

It takes courage to step up and seek change. If you're concerned your behaviour is hurting or scaring loved ones, you can find information and support here to make positive changes for you and your whānau/family.

innerBoy

innerBoy is a free men's mental health app with a guided support program where Matt Brown facilitates connection to your inner boy. A school of healing for innerBoys.

Safe to Talk

Safe to Talk is a helpline for people who have been impacted by sexual harm. You can:

Email them

Text them on 4334

Chat online

Support for rainbow/queer communities

These are some of the key rainbow organisations that provide support and information to LGBTI+, takatāpui, MVPFAFF+ and other rainbow people across Aotearoa.

1737

Are you feeling stressed or just need someone to talk to?
Are you feeling down or a bit overwhelmed?
Do you know someone who is feeling out-of-sorts or down?

Free call 1737 or free text 1737 any time, 24 hours a day. You’ll get to talk to (or text with) a trained counsellor or talk to a peer support worker. The service is completely free. Find out more here.

(Quiz)

Relationship Quiz

Everyone deserves to have a happy and trusting relationship.
Take our relationship quiz to see if yours is healthy or abusive.

Do they complain that you don’t spend enough time with them?
No, we both have our own lives.

Having independence and time to yourself is important and promotes a healthy relationship.

Sometimes, they insist on coming on my nights out.

This could be a sign that your relationship is unhealthy. Having your own life outside of your relationship is important. Learn about setting healthy boundaries.

Yes, they make me feel guilty when I make plans with friends. They say my friends are trying to break us up.

This is a red flag for abuse. If your partner tries to cut you off from seeing your friends or family this can make you very isolated. You might become dependent on your relationship, even if your partner mistreats you. You can chat to us for support and advice. Get Help
Do they say anything about how you dress or what you look like?
They give me compliments, but that’s it really.

A healthy relationship is when your partner accepts and respect you as you are, no matter how you look and what you wear.

Yes, they complain about the clothes I wear and how I look.

This could be a sign of an unhealthy relationship. Your partner should accept and respect you as you are, no matter how you look and what you wear. Learn more about red flags of abuse

Yes, they tell me what to wear all the time

This is very controlling behaviour and is a red flag for emotional abuse. Learn more about emotional abuse
Do they send you constant texts checking up on you when you’re not with them?
We keep in touch, but no more than I do with other people in my life.

In a healthy relationship your partner respects your need for time alone or with friends. Having independence and time to yourself is important and promotes a healthy relationship.

Sometimes, they get annoyed at me if they don’t know what I’m up to.

This could be a sign of an unhealthy relationship. Your partner should not get annoyed or guilt-trip you if you don’t reply to their texts straight away. Learn more about red flags for abuse
Yes, they are always messaging me. They have to know what I’m doing and where I am every minute of every day.
Red flags for an abusive relationship are when your partner:
- messages you constantly
- gets annoyed when you don’t reply straight away
- asks where you are all the time
- demands to know who you are with
You can text Love Better to 234 for 24/7 support. Learn more about red flags here.
Do they ever go through your phone or social media to see who you’ve been talking to?
No, they respect my privacy.

You have a right to privacy without your partner making you feel guilty or afraid. When your partner respects your privacy it shows trust in your relationship.

Sometimes. They say we shouldn’t have any secrets.

If your partner looks through your phone, this is an invasion of privacy. In a healthy relationship your partner trusts you and doesn’t make you feel guilty or afraid. Learn about red flags here.

Always. They demand my passwords to everything and look at all my messages.

This is a red flag for abuse. If your partner always looks through your phone and knows all your passwords this is very controlling behaviour. Get Help
Have they ever posted or shared any explicit or intimate images or videos of you online?
No.

Sharing or threatening to share intimate images of another person without their consent is a crime. Learn more about this here.

No, but when we fight they sometimes threaten to post private photos of me.

Threatening to share intimate images of you is a crime. Learn more about this here.

Yes. They have posted private photos of me.

Sharing intimate images of another person without their consent is a crime. Learn more about this here.
Do you feel like you are being watched or monitored by your partner?
No.

In a healthy relationship your partner trusts you and doesn’t need to know where you are, what you are doing or who you are seeing all the time.

I’m not sure. Sometimes they know about places I’ve been or things I’ve done that I haven’t told them about.

If you think they might be monitoring you, you should speak to someone you trust about it. Are they stalking or watching everything you do online? Learn more about staying safe online here.

Yes, I think they have installed something on my phone so they know where I am and who I’m with all the time.

This is a red flag for abuse. This is very controlling and dangerous behaviour. Text Love Better to 234 to get support 24/7 if you are worried. Get Help
Do you feel afraid to disagree with them in case they get angry?
No, we have our disagreements but we both respect one another’s opinions.

Disagreements in a relationship are normal. A healthy relationship is when your partner respects your opinion.

Sometimes, if they are upset about something they can get angry and stop listening.

Disagreements in a relationship are normal but if this starts to happen often it could be a sign that your relationship is unhealthy. Learn more about this here.

Always, they have a really bad temper and I am always walking on eggshells so I just go along with whatever they say.

This is a red flag for abuse. If your partner makes you feel afraid or anxious this could be a sign of emotional abuse.
Do they ever hit, kick, or shove you?
No, I feel safe with them.

It is important to feel safe in a relationship. Your partner should never threaten to hurt you.

Once, and I’m afraid they’ll do it again.

This is a red flag for abuse. Your partner should never hurt you, or threaten to hurt you. Text Love Better to 234 if you are worried. Get Help

All the time.

This is a red flag for abuse. Your partner should never hurt you, or threaten to hurt you. Text Love Better to 234 for 24/7 support. Get Help
Have they ever forced or pressured you to do anything sexual that you didn’t want to do?
No.

Consent is important and should never be assumed, especially when you’re in a relationship with someone. Learn more about this here.

Not physically, but they have guilted me into doing things before.

Being guilted into doing things sexually is not consent. Your partner should respect your boundaries. Learn about consent in relationships.

Yes.

This is a red flag for abuse. Your partner should never pressure or force you to do anything sexually you don’t consent to. hurt you, or threaten to hurt you. Learn more about this here.
Do you feel afraid to break up with them for any reason?
No, I feel like I can if I want to.

Relationships can change over time. You should never feel under pressure to stay in a relationship if you don’t want to.

Yes, I tried to break up with them before but they made it too difficult.

This could be a sign of an unhealthy relationship. Your partner should respect your wishes. Learn more about this here.

Yes, they say they will hurt themselves or me if I break up with them.

This is a red flag for abuse. Your partner should not threaten to hurt themselves if you break up, this is very manipulative. Text Love Better to 234 for 24/7 support if you are worried. Get Help
Your Results

It sounds like your relationship is healthy. Learn more about healthy relationships here.

This quiz is based on the Too Into You Relationship Quiz created by Women’s Aid Ireland as part of their Too Into You campaign for young people. Find out more at toointoyou.ie
Your Results

It sounds like your relationship might be unhealthy. Think more about your relationship and how it makes you feel. Remember, if it feels wrong it probably is.
- Text Love Better to 234 to get support 24/7
- Talk to someone you trust about how you’re feeling
- Find support and information on our Get Help page
This quiz is based on the Too Into You Relationship Quiz created by Women’s Aid Ireland as part of their Too Into You campaign for young people. Find out more at toointoyou.ie
Your Results

It sounds like your partner might be trying to control you. This could be part of a pattern of abuse. Nobody has the right to control, coerce or threaten you. Talk to someone you trust about what is going on, or Get Help here.

This quiz is based on the Too Into You Relationship Quiz created by Women’s Aid Ireland as part of their Too Into You campaign for young people. Find out more at toointoyou.ie

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Police

Youthline

Are You OK - Family Violence helpline

In Your Hands

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Safe to Talk

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1737

Relationship Quiz

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Police

Youthline

Are You OK - Family Violence helpline

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Safe to Talk

Support for rainbow/queer communities

1737

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An expert explains red flags

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What to do when you realise you were the ‘bad guy’ in the relationship

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