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Are your mates sexist?

Red flags, Communication
(Quiz)
Are your mates sexist?

Ever hear your friends or whānau saying stuff to or about women/girls and think..."hmm, that's not right..."?

Take the quiz below for some perspective on what's right and what isn't.

Do you ever see your mates 're-explaining' things a girl or woman has just said
Sometimes, yeah

That’s a problem. 'Mansplaining', interrupting or talking over the top of a woman is a classic sign of disrespect and de-valuing a woman’s opinion, knowledge or point of view. Show respect in conversations by using eye contact and asking questions to make sure everyone is included and heard, especially people whose voices might often be silenced or devalued.

Never

Good, 'mansplaining', interrupting or talking over the top of a woman is a classic sign of disrespect and de-valuing woman’s opinion or point of view.

Do you ever see your mates paying more attention to what men are saying than women?
Nah, that's not how they roll

Great. Men will often ignore what a woman is saying but then be all ears when another guy has something to say – it’s disrespectful and a pretty obvious sign they don’t value women’s input.

Now you mention it, yeah...

Men will often ignore what a woman is saying but then be all ears when another guy has something to say – it’s disrespectful and a pretty obvious sign they don’t value women’s input. Show respect in conversations by using eye contact and asking questions to make sure everyone is included and heard, especially people whose voices might often be silenced or devalued.

Do you ever see your mates thinking that men are 'naturally superior' to women?
In some ways, yes

Whoa, that just makes no sense. Regardless of someone’s biology, gender or sexuality, nobody is superior to anybody else.

No

Good, regardless of someone’s biology, gender or sexuality, nobody is superior to anybody else.

Do you ever see your mates yelling at women on the street or in public spaces?
No way.

Good, nobody should have to put up with strangers harassing, yelling at them or approaching them uninvited in any way.

Yeah, that happens.

Whaaaat?! No way anybody should have to put up with strangers harassing, yelling at them or approaching them uninvited in any way.

Do you ever see your mates making jokes about women or girls being 'bitches', 'thots', 'sluts' or 'whores'?
Under no circumstances.

Excellent, doesn’t matter if it’s dressed up as a joke or not – using that kinda language in relation to women or girls is a disgusting example of misogyny and disrespect.

Hm, maybe just as a joke?

Nup, never, no-way, no-how, doesn’t matter if it’s dressed up as a joke or not – using that kinda language in relation to women or girls is a disgusting example of misogyny and disrespect.

Do you ever see your mates making assumptions about a woman because of what she's wearing?
Only if they're wearing something flat out obvious.

Nope, you just can’t make judgments about someone because of what they’re wearing – and women should be able to wear whatever they want without fear of judgement or disrespect.

Nah, never.

Good, you can’t make judgments about someone because of what they’re wearing – and women should be able to wear whatever they want without fear of judgement or disrespect.

Do you ever see or hear of your mates putting pressure on someone to have sex?
No, they know that's not right.

Great, it’s absolutely critical everyone understands consent and free agreement. This means both people are doing things because they want to, not because they feel forced.

Yeah, it happens.

Nope, it’s absolutely critical everyone understands consent and free agreement. This means both people are doing things because they want to, not because they feel forced.

Do you ever see your mates encouraging women to express their opinions?
For sure!

Great! Encouraging anyone – but especially women, whose voices are often ignored by men – to feel like their points of view are valued and respected is a must.

Hm, not that I've noticed.

Damn, that’s got to change. Encouraging anyone – but especially women, whose voices are often ignored by men – to feel like their points of view are valued and respected is a must.

Do you see your mates encouraging and praising people for their achievements, regardless of their gender?
Totally.

Excellent, we should appreciate, celebrate and encourage the things people achieve no matter who they are.

Maybe not so much.

Aw c’mon, we need to appreciate, celebrate and encourage the things people achieve no matter who they are.

Do you ever see your mates encouraging women to get tipsy so they're more ‘relaxed’ about having sex?
Yeah, that definitely happens among my friends.

That’s got to stop now. Apart from the fact that people often can’t legally give consent if they’re intoxicated, sex should happen because everyone’s feeling enthusiastic and safe – not because someone’s been coerced with alcohol or drugs.

Whoa, no, that's not something anyone I know would ever do.

Excellent. Apart from the fact that people often can’t legally give consent if they’re intoxicated, sex should happen because everyone’s feeling enthusiastic and safe – not because someone’s been coerced with alcohol or drugs.

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Relationship Quiz

Advice, Dating (+2)
(Quiz)
Relationship Quiz

Everyone deserves to have a happy and trusting relationship.
Take our relationship quiz to see if yours is healthy or abusive.

Do they complain that you don’t spend enough time with them?
No, we both have our own lives.

Having independence and time to yourself is important and promotes a healthy relationship.

Sometimes, they insist on coming on my nights out.

This could be a sign that your relationship is unhealthy. Having your own life outside of your relationship is important. Learn about setting healthy boundaries.

Yes, they make me feel guilty when I make plans with friends. They say my friends are trying to break us up.

This is a red flag for abuse. If your partner tries to cut you off from seeing your friends or family this can make you very isolated. You might become dependent on your relationship, even if your partner mistreats you. You can chat to us for support and advice. Get Help

Do they say anything about how you dress or what you look like?
They give me compliments, but that’s it really.

A healthy relationship is when your partner accepts and respect you as you are, no matter how you look and what you wear.

Yes, they complain about the clothes I wear and how I look.

This could be a sign of an unhealthy relationship. Your partner should accept and respect you as you are, no matter how you look and what you wear. Learn more about red flags of abuse

Yes, they tell me what to wear all the time

This is very controlling behaviour and is a red flag for emotional abuse. Learn more about emotional abuse

Do they send you constant texts checking up on you when you’re not with them?
We keep in touch, but no more than I do with other people in my life.

In a healthy relationship your partner respects your need for time alone or with friends. Having independence and time to yourself is important and promotes a healthy relationship.

Sometimes, they get annoyed at me if they don’t know what I’m up to.

This could be a sign of an unhealthy relationship. Your partner should not get annoyed or guilt-trip you if you don’t reply to their texts straight away. Learn more about red flags for abuse

Yes, they are always messaging me. They have to know what I’m doing and where I am every minute of every day.

Red flags for an abusive relationship are when your partner:

messages you constantly

gets annoyed when you don’t reply straight away

asks where you are all the time

demands to know who you are with

You can text Love Better to 234 for 24/7 support. Learn more about red flags here.

Do they ever go through your phone or social media to see who you’ve been talking to?
No, they respect my privacy.

You have a right to privacy without your partner making you feel guilty or afraid. When your partner respects your privacy it shows trust in your relationship.

Sometimes. They say we shouldn’t have any secrets.

If your partner looks through your phone, this is an invasion of privacy. In a healthy relationship your partner trusts you and doesn’t make you feel guilty or afraid. Learn about red flags here.

Always. They demand my passwords to everything and look at all my messages.

This is a red flag for abuse. If your partner always looks through your phone and knows all your passwords this is very controlling behaviour. Get Help

Have they ever posted or shared any explicit or intimate images or videos of you online?
No.

Sharing or threatening to share intimate images of another person without their consent is a crime. Learn more about this here.

No, but when we fight they sometimes threaten to post private photos of me.

Threatening to share intimate images of you is a crime. Learn more about this here.

Yes. They have posted private photos of me.

Sharing intimate images of another person without their consent is a crime. Learn more about this here.

Do you feel like you are being watched or monitored by your partner?
No.

In a healthy relationship your partner trusts you and doesn’t need to know where you are, what you are doing or who you are seeing all the time.

I’m not sure. Sometimes they know about places I’ve been or things I’ve done that I haven’t told them about.

If you think they might be monitoring you, you should speak to someone you trust about it. Are they stalking or watching everything you do online? Learn more about staying safe online here.

Yes, I think they have installed something on my phone so they know where I am and who I’m with all the time.

This is a red flag for abuse. This is very controlling and dangerous behaviour. Text Love Better to 234 to get support 24/7 if you are worried. Get Help

Do you feel afraid to disagree with them in case they get angry?
No, we have our disagreements but we both respect one another’s opinions.

Disagreements in a relationship are normal. A healthy relationship is when your partner respects your opinion.

Sometimes, if they are upset about something they can get angry and stop listening.

Disagreements in a relationship are normal but if this starts to happen often it could be a sign that your relationship is unhealthy. Learn more about this here.

Always, they have a really bad temper and I am always walking on eggshells so I just go along with whatever they say.

This is a red flag for abuse. If your partner makes you feel afraid or anxious this could be a sign of emotional abuse.

Do they ever hit, kick, or shove you?
No, I feel safe with them.

It is important to feel safe in a relationship. Your partner should never threaten to hurt you.

Once, and I’m afraid they’ll do it again.

This is a red flag for abuse. Your partner should never hurt you, or threaten to hurt you. Text Love Better to 234 if you are worried. Get Help

All the time.

This is a red flag for abuse. Your partner should never hurt you, or threaten to hurt you. Text Love Better to 234 for 24/7 support. Get Help

Have they ever forced or pressured you to do anything sexual that you didn’t want to do?
No.

Consent is important and should never be assumed, especially when you’re in a relationship with someone. Learn more about this here.

Not physically, but they have guilted me into doing things before.

Being guilted into doing things sexually is not consent. Your partner should respect your boundaries. Learn about consent in relationships.

Yes.

This is a red flag for abuse. Your partner should never pressure or force you to do anything sexually you don’t consent to. hurt you, or threaten to hurt you. Learn more about this here.

Do you feel afraid to break up with them for any reason?
No, I feel like I can if I want to.

Relationships can change over time. You should never feel under pressure to stay in a relationship if you don’t want to.

Yes, I tried to break up with them before but they made it too difficult.

This could be a sign of an unhealthy relationship. Your partner should respect your wishes. Learn more about this here.

Yes, they say they will hurt themselves or me if I break up with them.

This is a red flag for abuse. Your partner should not threaten to hurt themselves if you break up, this is very manipulative. Text Love Better to 234 for 24/7 support if you are worried. Get Help

Your Results

It sounds like your relationship might be unhealthy. Think more about your relationship and how it makes you feel. Remember, if it feels wrong it probably is.

Text Love Better to 234 to get support 24/7

Talk to someone you trust about how you’re feeling

Find support and information on our Get Help page

This quiz is based on the Too Into You Relationship Quiz created by Women’s Aid Ireland as part of their Too Into You campaign for young people. Find out more at toointoyou.ie

Your Results

It sounds like your partner might be trying to control you. This could be part of a pattern of abuse. Nobody has the right to control, coerce or threaten you. Talk to someone you trust about what is going on, or Get Help here.

This quiz is based on the Too Into You Relationship Quiz created by Women’s Aid Ireland as part of their Too Into You campaign for young people. Find out more at toointoyou.ie

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Are your mates sexist?

Relationship Quiz

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