Is shit sex worth breaking up over?

Sex can be amazing, but if we’re being real, sex isn’t always that exciting. Maybe you’re just a bit bored with the routine, maybe one partner is dealing with a medical issue like vaginismus, or maybe one of you is too nervous to try something new. More a multitude of reasons sex can be boring, awkward and a bit uncomfortable. But is a lack of perfect sexual chemistry a reason to end things? 

Here are some key questions to ask yourself, and your partners, to figure out what needs improving and whether its better to move on: 

What makes it bad? 

This is a pretty important place to start. Is it the actual, physical experience that’s bad? Is it how often you’re having — or not having — it that’s the problem? Is it that your attraction to your partner isn’t there? Different reasons will have very different solutions. 

Do you have similar sexual needs?

If you have different outlooks on sex, you might want to explore just being friends or involving other people (in a communicative and boundary driven situation) so that everyone's sexual needs are met. 

Are you willing to change it up? 

Get honest with each other about what it is you do and don’t like doing in bed. Try some new stuff out, listen to each other, don’t be proud and see if it makes a difference. 

Does the effort feel equal? 

Sometimes, even when the physical sex is good, tension can still arise about who’s instigating it and how often. It’s important to decide if you’re both happy with the balance of sexual advances and to understand if and why one person drives your sex life. 

Is sex a priority?

There are so many reasons to date someone, and sex is only one part of a relationship. At the end of the day, only you can discern if it’s the right choice to end something over bad sex – but don’t forget to consider other important things like whether they support you, if you make each other laugh, and if you share similar values.

So, with that all out of the way, what comes next? 

Being able to communicate is a must-have, but it won’t always fix the problem. You might have an open chat, try something new, and feel like it’s still not working, and that’s totally okay. 

If there are long-standing issues that good communication isn’t solving, and if that’s a priority in your relationship, then maybe it's time to move on.  

Just remember – the grass isn’t always greener.