By Rachel Barker (editor)
First published on VICE.COM
Traditionally, break-ups are seen as a tragic time. A time for crying in the bed you haven’t left for four days. A time where all of your insecurities seem bigger than ever. A time when you struggle to have fun with even your closest mates.
But 90% of the time after this rough patch passes, you’ll actually be happier for ending the relationship. And here are some of the reasons why:
Lifting the weight
Sometimes we don’t realise that a relationship is making us happy because it’s not obviously causing problems. But often after a break-up we come into a sense of peace that we didn’t have before. This amazing feeling is reassurance that you’ve made the right choice, and it’s more important than the little voice in your head that says you’ll be alone forever. Being happy in yourself is far more important than having a partner who isn’t right for you.
Coming out of your shell
A break-up can be a lonely time and even seeing your own close friends can feel like a task. But forcing yourself to get out and about pays off in the long run. Reconnect with old friends, reconnect with the friends your partner didn’t enjoy spending time with, and discover new people you might not have made the effort with before. So often we can rely on relationships to keep us comfortable, so take the discomfort as a challenge to put yourself out there.
Having fun with the way you look
Switch up the way you look. Maybe a partner had commented here or there about not liking some of your clothes or not wanting you to change your hair. Almost everyone has asked their partner if they’d still love them if they were bald. Well, you don’t need to be attractive in their eyes anymore, so now's the time to give this stuff a try! Keep in mind that it’s still good to approach changes thoughtfully rather than make spontaneous decisions about your new trim or handpoke tattoo alone in your room at 3 am. But at the end of the day, a terrible fringe or an infected piercing will pass, and if it helps you get through the moment then don’t hold back. Who knows how it might change your outlook?
No longer seeking validation
Take advantage of the fact that you’re not catering your life for anyone other than you and get stuck into the activities, social circles and ways of thinking that make you happy. Realising that you don’t need someone else to validate your choices is an incredible feeling – even if they weren’t actively negging them before.
There’s nothing better than finding your independence, and it means the next time you’re in a relationship you’re entering it as a whole person who knows yourself and can stand your ground.
