By Rachel Barker
First published on VICE.COM
There are a million reasons people convince themselves to stay in a flop relationship: lifestyle changes, losing friends, feeling lonely, financial stability. One of the reasons people will stick around is a feeling that nothing is particularly wrong. The big question we find ourselves contemplating is: why leave someone if there’s no obvious reason to?
But relationships need to be more than just okay – And nothing has to be wrong for a break-up to be right.
We’re not encouraging you to ditch your partner (or partners) because things aren’t perfect. Because let’s be real, perfect isn’t that realistic, either. People are weird and complicated and don’t always get it right.
But if you’re finding you feel out of sync with your partner a lot of the time, or that they’re not actively making you feel happy, it’s probably worth thinking about why you’re sticking it out. And if the answer is “just cos”’, “I don’t know” or “it’s better than being alone”, it’s probably not a relationship you need to be in.
Where it becomes even more complicated, is that we don’t always notice when we’re unhappy if there isn’t an obvious cause.
It’s a good rule of thumb for all relationships to check in with yourself every now and then because there won’t always be a shitstorm to draw your attention to the downsides.
Listen to your friends and your family and pay attention to their concerns, because they might be better than you are at seeing that you’re behaving differently. And if they’ve been bold enough to bring it up with you, it’s probably worth considering their point.
Sadly breaking up with someone if there isn't a big problem to point to can be brutal. In some ways it can feel harder than a disastrous blow-out because it’s such a thought-out decision, rather than a reaction.
But if you string things out for too long this can leave you feeling like you’ve wasted your time and energy. In retrospect, you can end up resenting someone you stayed with for a long time, even if they never did anything “wrong.”
A break-up can genuinely be one of the best choices you make in your life. And if you’re stuck in this cycle of discontent-turned-resentment, you’re gonna feel that pretty quickly. The freedom and peace that comes with unshackling yourself from a blah/sub-par relationship is something you’ll be thanking yourself for for a long time. It may take a little time to re-adjust, but you’ll be stoked you made the choice to call things quits.
