What to do if you're financially stuck in a relationship

Being in a couple can have many monetary advantages – From sharing rent to each chipping in for groceries, the financial burden of simply Being Alive may be eased by having someone to lean on. But if the partnership turns sour, being financially intertwined can quickly become a problem. 

This can result in feeling trapped in a relationship if the other person has become the main provider or has access to or control over your finances. 

Here’s what to do if you feel like you’re financially stuck in a relationship: 

• Educate yourself on financial literacy. The more you understand about money, the better decisions you’ll be able to make. Certified accountants and financial advisors on YouTube can be a great starting point. 

• Joint accounts can’t protect you against financial abuse, so open up a bank account that is solely for you. If you need to keep this account secret, organise to receive your statements online, rather than by mail. 

• Protect yourself from financial dependency (which could turn into financial abuse) by not sharing your PIN with anyone else.

• Connect with your local community law centre to discuss your situation and options. 

• For your safety, it may be best not to stay with you partner while you sort out your financial situation. Friends and whānau may be able to offer support in the form of accommodation or help to take care of your children or animals. It’s super important that you feel you have somewhere to go.

• Even more importantly, know that you always have places to go, such as Women’s Refuge and Shine. You are never, ever truly stuck. See the Get Help page for more services.  

There’s a huge difference in not being able to afford to leave a healthy relationship versus being a victim of financial abuse, but it’s important to understand both and to be proactive when it comes to your money because ultimately, money is your independence.