How to cope with a break-up without just getting wasted all the time

There’s something about having your heart smashed into a thousand sharp and ragged little pieces that bring on the insatiable urge to self-medicate. 

It’s common for us to turn to drink, drugs and sex. And what’s the problem with that? 

Well, there are a couple of things to consider. 

DRINK

The draw to alcohol is obvious — it releases dopamine in the brain, temporarily boosts serotonin, and, forgive us for getting too scientific here, makes everyone funnier and hotter. But drinking too much when you’re already emotionally vulnerable can bring on sadness, anger and negatively impact cognitive decision making. This is when you can find yourself punching someone or crying to your ex over the phone; actions that can be both, a bit tragic, and have legitimate consequences. 

And then of course, the dreaded hangovers, with no partner to feed you soup and tell you that you’ll feel better soon. 

DRUGS

Often in tandem with drinking, comes drugs. Similarly with alcohol, excessive use of drugs can lead to bad behaviour and major comedowns once the serotonin has been sapped from your body. Party favours can feel like a good distraction, but think about whether they’re really what you need right now to maintain a healthy headspace. 

SEX

Finally, there’s sex. Perhaps out of vengeance or a newfound sense of freedom, sleeping with other people is on your mind. 

While there’s no shame in having as much sex as you want, sometimes during heartbreak the decisions we make about who we’re doing it with and how often can be misguided – and this can lead to hurting other people as well as ourselves. 

SO WHAT ELSE IS THERE?

It can be hard not to give in to temporary good feelings and spin out of control, but in the long run, making the choice to approach your early days as a single person with your future self in mind can do you a hell of good.

Now is the time to lean on the people closest to you, even if it means asking them to step in and keep you from doing anything stupid. Friends that love you aren’t gonna let you screw yourself over, so just make sure you’re putting your trust in the right places – and not relying on people who will encourage you to act your worst because it’s fun. 

We often think of a break-up as a time for change and growth, but take off the pressure of yourself to become a brand new person. The reality is that, for a lot of us, it can be hard to convince yourself to do anything at all after a bad break-up, so go back to the basics of what you know you enjoy. Rewatch every season of Rick and Morty, listen to Lana Del Rey on repeat, and just give yourself an easy ride while you heal. 

If you are the type of person that needs a solid distraction, you can turn your focus to the hobbies that might’ve fallen by the wayside during your relationship. Maybe it’s exercise, music or art. 

There might also be more specific tasks that you’ve put off like cleaning out your garage, moving flat or reconnecting with old friends. Now that you have a little more freedom, it’s a great time to tick some of that stuff off.

And if the break-up has you dark enough that lengthy bike rides and Mac Miller’s discography aren’t cutting it – check out your options with therapy.

Therapy isn’t a last resort, so don’t treat it like one.