First published by Mai FM
So, you've gone over it a thousand times and decided it's time to call it quits on your relationship. Allow me to give you a virtual pat on the back and a quick 'kia kaha' - cos making this kind of call ain't easy.
I'm sure you're dreading having 'the talk' - and that's understandable - but you can ease the pain for both of you a little bit by making sure you end things in as kind and classy a way as possible. This is a person you care(d) about a lot, so you're gonna want to walk away knowing you did right by them, even if they didn't always return the favour.
DO: CHOOSE THE RIGHT TIME AND PLACE
Location, location, location. Is there any good place to break up? Not really, but you're gonna want to try and find somewhere private and ideally, neutral. Do I need to mention you should definitely be sober? You should DEFINITELY be sober.
If the relationship has been a thing for any decent length of time, ending things over text is a no-no. You could be excused for letting someone down gently via a message or a call if you're in the really early stages of dating, but having that hard chat face-to-face shows respect.
DON'T: GHOST
Ghosting is hella rude, mean and unfair. It leaves the other person confused, hurt, and basically kind of tortures them emotionally. Let's be real, you'd probably kinda hate yourself for doing it, too.
You can read more about why people ghost and how to deal here - but it's way more mature to front up and run it straight.
DO: BE HONEST BUT NOT TOO HONEST
Honesty is key - if you're clear about your reasons for wanting to break up, it'll help your ex understand and process the news, and you'll feel better for it as well.
On the other hand, there's noooo need to go in on them about every little thing that wasn't working for you. In fact, avoid blaming or criticising them as much as possible - that ship has sailed, you've made your decision, so instead focus on how you feel and why moving forward separately is the best call.
DO: USE YOUR TARINGAS
Just like it takes two to tango in a relationship, the same goes for break ups. As much as you wanna get your point across, It's important to listen, let your partner say their piece and for you to validate their feelings.
A little empathy goes a looong way (even if you can feel steam coming out of your ears).
DON'T: AIR DIRTY LAUNDRY
Keep it off the 'gram! Be the bigger person and resist the urge to share anything about your ex or your shared personal lives on social media. Same goes for gatherings - don't be running your mouth about what went down - that info is for trusted loved ones only.
Disclaimer: I'm absolutely *not* saying you shouldn't post a glow-up pic a little further down the line, but keep in classy in the immediate aftermath.
DO: SET BOUNDARIES
Minimise the potential for drama by trying to work out a plan for stuff you share, like belongings and mutual friends. This might be the kind of chat you have to come back to after a cooling off period - so don't try and rush through everything all at once.
Agreeing on a period of 'no contact' once you've got the logistics sussed can be a really healthy idea, even though it might feel kind of sucky at first.
