First published by Mai FM
Yeesh. A breakup is bad enough without the added pain of seeing your ex with someone new, and there's a bitter-tasting cherry on top if that new boo is the same person your ex told you not to worry about.
Hey, I'm not here to tell you not to be pissed. You'd be weird if you weren't! But before you go totally doom and gloom, there's a few things to consider.
Maybe they lied to you - good thing they're your ex now. Maybe they didn't lie, but their feelings for this person have now grown - good thing they're your ex now!
We'll get into some ideas on what to do next in a second, but the first thing you need to know is: Don't compare yourself to the PTSYDNTWA (Person They Said You Didn't Need To Worry About)!
Sure, you could spend all your time and energy checking to see if they have better eyebrows than you, or wondering how much was going on behind your back - but what good will that do for you? After all, you're the important one.
Here's a bit of a guide to dealing with your feels in the wake of such yuck news:
Embrace your inner Beyonce or Drake
Alright, so your ex is playing their own version of reality TV drama. You're not gonna join them, but you are allowed to get dramatic as hell in the privacy of your own home.
Get in your feels for a second and scream into a pillow, have a good cry or go for an angry run. Extra points for pretending you're in a music video while you do it.
Call in reinforcements
Grab your sidekick(s) and spill the tea. Exercise your right to have a full blown bitch session while your pals listen and cheer you on - that's the deal with friends. It's like a free therapy session, except you're allowed to bring ice cream.
Start a social media detox
Unfollow, unfriend, or just 'mute' your ex on social media and the PTSYDNTWA. I know, I know, it's so tempting to keep tabs on them and send endless screenshots to the group chat, but you actually have better things to do than scrolling through their mushy posts.
Trust me when I say the relief and freedom you'll feel when you finally hit that unfriend button is incredible.
Closure? Yeah, Nah
If you want closure, give it to yourself. Write a fake letter, have an imaginary conversation in the shower (I do this a lot), or create a voodoo doll (jokes…kind of?)
The fact is, closure is what you make it. There's very little chance that a conversation with your ex or their new boo will do anything except make you feel worse and give you more questions than answers, so avoid it. Give your time and energy to your support network instead.
Swipe right on life
I'm not just talking about dating apps here, but you might be ready to start exploring some new connections - don't forget, Bumble has a 'friend' mode now! What I'm really getting at, is start saying 'yes' to things. Join a new group, go to that drinks you felt too shy to attend, take on a new challenge at work.
You'll get a bit of distraction from those unpleasant thoughts and you'll be treating yourself right by opening yourself up to new opportunities. Win-win!
You'll be feeling some intense feels right now, but there's comfort in knowing this too shall pass, and that intensity will subside. Time heals all wounds, and meanwhile you get to work on being the boss of your own happiness.
Remember, breakups are just plot twists in the epic movie of your life. Keep the popcorn handy, because the show must go on!
