How to handle being broken up with

No one wants to be the person being broken up with – and it’s a hard situation to handle both in the moment and in the months that come afterwards. So, what can you do to make sure you handle it your best?

Don't get drunk

Whether it’s getting drunk beforehand because you know it’s coming, or drinking while you have the dreaded conversation – Alcohol and emotionally charged conversation do not go hand in hand. You’ll only regret it tomorrow when you wake up with no partner and a throbbing hangover.

Don't yell

Don’t yell at people, don’t scream, don’t shout – especially in public. It makes sense that you're sad, or confused, or angry, there might be some tears or harsh words exchanged and that’s okay, but unless you’re reading this in the computer room at your primary school, you’re far past the age where yelling is gonna fly. 

Don't beg

They’ve probably put a lot of thought into their decision and when and how to end things, and begging for a change of mind is unlikely to work out. It’s about protecting yourself as much as it is not subjecting them to an awkward and painful ordeal. Take the L and move on. 

Forget looking cool or 'winning'

Sure you don’t want to come across as pathetic, but pathetic is better than trying and failing to look cool. Working overtime to come across as careless or clever, with snarky jabs and a deadpan stare, is a waste of your energy. It never looks as cool as you want it to be and it doesn’t mean you’ve ‘won’. 

Tell them how you feel while you have the chance

As long as you can avoid shouting and snarkiness, now’s the time to say your bit while you’re face to face so you don’t end up spending hours, days and weeks simmering away in resentment because you never told them how you feel.

Sending a wall of text won't get you anywhere

It can be tempting after a break-up to compile every wrong-doing you feel you’ve suffered in the relationship into one grand-slam message and send it your ex’s way. Getting shit off your chest can feel a lot easier over a message and it might be cathartic at first, but be prepared not to get the response that you’re looking for. 

The apology, acknowledgement of fault or change of mind most likely isn’t gonna happen.

Don't look for ways to stay in their life

Don’t make it any harder on them or more humiliating for yourself by getting a long black at their local cafe every morning or working out at the same gym in the hopes they’ll see you there. Seeking out ways to spend time with your ex, or catch their eye, isn’t going to help you move on – and it isn’t going to make them want you back. 

Keep it off the internet

It can be tempting to throw your thoughts on feelings about your ex or break-up into the void that is the online world – whether you’re venting, theorising or emotionally breaking down – but it’s far better to share with a friend, family member or professional.

Anything you put online has the potential to end up as screenshots in group chats that you’re not a part of. Don’t risk it.  

Don't get wasted when your ex is on your mind

While it can seem like a good way to keep your mind off someone, get too drunk and you’ll spend weeks in the pit regretting the fact that you trauma-dumped to a roomful of strangers before drunkenly calling your ex 32 times. 

Revenge is a terrible idea

Sleeping with their friends, bad-mouthing them, sharing their intimate secrets or pictures — this one is a massive no. If you’re knowingly doing something to hurt someone, get yourself to a therapist, stat.

Don't go back 

Thinking ‘This is sad and hard’ and mistaking that for ‘I still want to be with that person’ is common, but it’s not a good reason to try and turn things around. You should want to be with someone who wants you – and if they’ve broken up with you, they’ve told you exactly what you need to know. 

Look for the positives

A break-up can leave you feeling shame and embarrassment, like you're unworthy or even unlovable. Remember that you’ve always been more than your relationship. Invest in yourself, friendships and other parts of your life. It can take a long time, but you will feel alright again.