By Rachel Barker
First published on VICE.COM
Being online can sometimes feel unnecessarily overwhelming, and when you add the personal and social pressures of a break-up into the mix things get even more complicated.
Beyond the plain and simple advice to ‘take a social media break’ there are some practical things you can do to avoid your phone adding to the drama – making the break-up easier for you and your ex.
Block them
Hitting the block button across the board is a solid way to prevent your ex from being on your mind 24/7 or in your dms. Maybe you need to do it to get them to leave you alone, or maybe it’s to give you some space while you’re in a vulnerable state.
Even if things have ended on good terms, it’s still a good idea to give yourself a bit of a breather.
At a bare minimum it’s a good idea to mute their stories so that their videos and pics aren’t jump-scaring you multiple times a day – And people don’t even know when they’re muted, so you can be in control without having to make a big statement.
Stay away from negative rabbit-holes
If you’ve been through a break-up you might be feeling unhappy or even angry - and that’s not a mental space that you should be cultivating your personality in. Don’t let a break-up push you into negative online spaces that spew dodgy rhetoric about relationships. Stick to consuming the same stuff you normally would and try to keep the content light and positive. It’s time for Adventure Time episodes, not grindset podcasts.
Don’t revenge post
Don’t waste your energy trying to look good on the internet for your ex to see it, and definitely don’t go out of your way to post things that will hurt them (even if you hate them). The more you concern yourself with whether you look fun/sexy/happy, the more you’re just thinking about your ex.
Don’t overshare about the break-up
Gossiping, trauma-dumping, shit-talking and sharing your bad poetry online are not good ideas. Whether it comes from a place of sadness or exhilaration; oversharing about your break-up is kind of embarrassing (for you and your ex), as well as annoying for the people being bombarded with your emotional posts. Rather than shouting into the void and feeling regret later on, tell it to a friend, parent or helpline.
And if there are issues that need to be worked out between you and your ex, keep those conversations private. It’s not for your distant friends and followers to see.
Take down photos of your ex
This isn’t a must-do for everyone, but if you find yourself frequently looking back at public pictures and posts, delete or archive them. You don’t need to get rid of them forever, but scrolling through your own feed and reimagining all the good times you had with your ex-partner isn’t healthy in the wake of a break-up.
Delete any naughty pics
For personal self-control and legal reasons, it’s important to delete any nudes or intimate videos you have of an ex-partner. Any saucy pic is legally considered legitimate revenge porn (also known as image based abuse) in Aotearoa as soon as that image or video is shared without the sober and ongoing consent of the person in it. Sharing someone’s nudes is not an okay thing to do – as a joke, as revenge, for any reason at all – so just ditch the pics.
Put your phone on Airplane Mode
A solid way to prevent yourself from drunk calling, messaging or posting anything risque when you go out is to not give your drunken brain the chance to do it in the first place. Starting a belligerent Instagram Live or finding out in the morning that you had a tragic, weepy phone call is a one way ticket to the Sunday scaries.
You have three good options: Putting your phone on Airplane Mode, deleting your social media apps for the night, or swapping phone’s with a friend (which means you can still contact each other but not your own contacts).
Leave the dating apps alone for a few weeks
You might want physical or emotional intimacy, you might organically end up having it, but give it a few weeks before you jump on the apps. No one wants to deal with you crying at 3am because you’ve realised how much you miss the way your ex’s bed smells.
Pay attention to your real life
Taking a break from social media isn’t always realistic, but maybe now’s the time to try. You don’t have to quit everything – Just make sure each day you’re not spending all your time staring down the barrel of your phone. Go outside, see friends, hit the gym, cry in the cinema and indulge in a good meal.
